It sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANT MY MOM BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

too hard to write about...

It has been over a month since I have written.

Boy, has it been one rough month.

My birthday is October 3rd. It was a nice birthday. I went to dinner with my husband and step-daughter Emlyn. We went to a nearby Italian restaurant that we like. It was a good dinner, we had a nice time. It is not a fancy place, but the waitress brought me a dessert and sang to me. I certainly was not expecting that. But it was fun.

We then came home and I opened my birthday gifts. A cast iron grill pan from Emlyn...boy is that thing heavy! Works great too! From my wonderful husband I got a great sweater, a fun and colorful bowl for pasta dinners, a Danielle Steel book, did I mention my husband is wonderful. He shopped at the new Kohl's store that just opened here, because he knows I like Kohl's...and boy does it sound like his shopping trip was an adventure.

We had a wonderful light dessert that he bought, it was very delicious and moist and I blew out candles and they sang to me.

I turned 45 this year. Numerically this was to be a cool year. On the 3rd I would turn 45 and on the 6th my mom would turn 78.....get it....3-4-5-6-7-8!

We went to bed and because I had tried to call my sister back I had the phone on the night stand next to me.

That phone rang around 2 am and I wished it had never rang. At that point my worst nightmare was beginning.

It was my sister, they were on the way to the hospital with my mother. My niece Julie had heard her fall and found her and called the ambulance and my sister, Judy. She said they would call me when they knew more.

Oh, what a long night, sitting and waiting for that phone to ring, yet, not wanting it to ring. That theory "no news is good news".

When she called back, upset of course, she told me that they thought it had been a stroke and they had her sedated. Judy was upset too because Julie kind of kept her distance from her. They are not as close as Julie and I are, but I was there with Julie when her mom died, and I lived with her and my mom since she was 10, that is half her life. It is natural for her to be closer to me.

What could I do, I am 1200 miles away. Helpless is how I felt. I tried to think of who I could call that would be a help to Judy, and Julie. I tried to call my cousin Diane, but she did not answer so I tried her daughter Stacey, and she called her mom who called me back.

Help was on its way to the hospital. Yet, I sat here in Florida feeling totally helpless.

Praying for good news, but it was not to come.

After a long sleepless night they told me I should fly back to Michigan, that it did not look good.

My husband booked me a flight, my cousins picked me up at the airport and off to the hospital I went. I was so afraid in the car on the way there to ask how mom was doing. Somehow I guess I knew it was not going to be good.

Mom had suffered a massive aneurysm. If she survived she would be in a vegetative state.

Basically they were just waiting for me to get there.

Too hard to write about in one sitting...so...end part one.